Years ago, I was giving a presentation to a small group of donors. My typical talk consisted of a long slide deck with lots of numbers I thought communicated I knew what I was doing. Unfortunately, my impressive overload of information didn't actually work. In that meeting, one donor literally began to nod off right in front of me.  

When you are sitting in front of a donor, nerves are often running high. It's easy to fall back to a rambling speech filled with jargon, buzzwords, and confusing numbers. Without realizing it, sometimes we can come across like a sales hack talking in circles or an insulated academic out of touch with reality. Or, as in my case, be so dull that I put my donors to sleep. 

Poor pitches are so common that they're practically the norm. The biggest problem is the lack of an effective plan combined with nerves. If you're winging your pitch, you're probably not doing yourself or your donors any favors. You may be CLUB-ing your donors.

So what does CLUB-ing your donors mean? CLUB is a modified acronym from Michael Masterson and Mike Palmer's book, Copy Logic. It stands for Confusing, Long, Unbelievable, and Boring pitches. 

Confusing

If your pitch includes any industry jargon or insider acronyms, chances are, you're confusing your donors. The longer you work in your field, the easier it is to adopt buzzwords without realizing it. Remember, even though your donors are passionate about the causes you support, they are not working 40+ hours a week in your industry. 

Here's an example: Many people use the term "mobility" when referring to economic mobility or an individual's opportunity to increase or decrease their income. But for one nonprofit CEO I know, some folks thought he was referring to mobile phones when he used the term "mobility." 

Another example is "child welfare," which is an insider term for foster care. However, when most people hear "child welfare," they think it means some sort of food stamps or government assistance for kids. 

Different understandings of the same word can result in significant disconnects. Industry jargon can mean different things to different people. If your donors don't fully understand the words you're using, you can't expect them to track with you during your pitch. Your vision won't inspire them. 

To avoid losing your donors when pitching, ditch jargon altogether.  

The test: Give your pitch to a friend or family member who doesn't work in your industry. Ask them to point out any terms they aren't clear on. If you wouldn't use certain words in your pitch with a friend at a cocktail party, then you shouldn't use them with donors. 

Long

We've all sat through a lecture, a sermon, or a wedding toast we thought would never end. Just like you've tuned out a droning professor or a rambling best man, your donor's attention will wander if your pitch drags on and on.  

Remember, a pitch should be concise. Drop any redundancies and rambling points not driving the narrative. Think of your presentation like a performance, and each line is a scene. If it's not driving the plot forward, then cut it. 

Taking the time to tighten your pitch will keep the donor engaged with what you have to say. Your donor will ask follow-up questions at the end about what they are most interested in or would like more information on. Don't feel like you have to cover everything in your pitch.

The test: If your pitch runs more than 8-10 minutes, it's too long. The average person speaks about 140 words a minute, so you should be able to say what you need to communicate in 1,400 words or less. 

Unbelievable

I occasionally hear fundraisers so passionate about the dreams they have for their nonprofit that they unintentionally oversell their mission in a pitch. You want to be ambitious and paint a big vision, but don't promise more than you can deliver. Donors understand we are human and can't fight every battle all at once. It's important to establish credibility with your donors, but be careful how you do so. 

The test: Remove any promises in your pitch where you don't have full control of the outcome or aren't absolutely certain your nonprofit can deliver on in the next few years. Remind the donor of past accomplishments your nonprofit can rightfully take credit for. Then cast a vision tied to realistic goals for the future.   

Boring

That donor falling asleep on me gave some pretty clear market feedback. I decided I needed to focus on keeping donors engaged during my entire pitch. 

The first step was eliminating as many big numbers as I could. For the numbers I absolutely had to keep, I made sure they were simple and easy to remember. Make numbers in your pitch visible and tangible. For example, "2 in 3 people" is far more memorable than "66 percent." Add framing around numbers. So instead of just saying “affects 40 million people” say “affects 40 million people—which is more than the entire population of Canada.”

Next was adding more personal stories—short stories from my own life and brief narratives from the lives my nonprofit had helped. Stories are a fantastic way to engage donors. Not only because stories are more memorable than numbers, but because they resonate with the donor and allow them to feel connected to the great work you do. Stories also give your donor and staff a compelling way, to sum up how your organization is impacting the world.

The test: Underline the most compelling sentence or phrase in each paragraph of your pitch. Then, ask yourself if the other sentences in that paragraph add value or just noise. 

Are you CLUB-ing your donors? If so, take some time to tighten your pitch, making it crystal clear and compelling.

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by Tarren Bragdon, CEO